Lauren W.

I am stuck in a rut
between you
and the right thing to do

ive dreamt about you the past 4 days
and they tell me "chase your dreams, kid"
but how am I supposed to chase something
that keeps running away

you come back when its convenient for you
usually around 2
in the morning

but what's in it for me
if you tell me you miss me
you wanna kiss me
and hold my hand

if you can't hold my heart too,,

I guess I will be the loss of your life
instead of the love

someone once told me
"the depth of your love 
is the depth of your wound"

how unfortunate it is
that I was all in
and you had barely fallen

I poured my soul into your palms
and watched it seep through your fingers

this was not love
this was not real

if it was love
it would have no end
and you wouldn't be this good
at being just friends

my friends are hungover alcohol
and i'm hungover you

so cheers to breaking my heart
for months of watching me fall apart

just to do it again

so I will be the love of my own life
and I will learn to love myself
more than I could ever love you

I will miss you more than you know
but from this
I will grow

so ill move away from here
and watch the sunset on the hill
and wait for the day
when the sun rises
and I rise with it

I was sitting in the emergency exit
boarding a plane to anywhere but here

unprepared for evacuation
though I told them I was

we touched ground around 11:27 pm
the world was asleep

I didn't know where I was
until I found myself outside your house

just when I thought it was over
just when I thought I was over

we're back where it all started
trying not to show how broken hearted
we really are

we talk like old friends
and touch like old lovers

every breath hurts
with the thought of what could be
and with the thought of what should be

it could've been us
you and me
against it all

but its not
and it won't be

so I will board the plane
to anywhere but here

this time I am scared

"what if we crash
just like all the other times?", I think

"but what if we don't?"

I am sleeping
but I am not beauty

you are sin
and I am your sinner

so call the pope
or the minister,
the bishop or
the sinister

and lets hope heaven allows visitors

gravity pulls me closer to sin
it's skin on skin

and nobody wins
when its you and me

because you will always be
just another boy
who takes what he wants from me

we keep falling on each other
to fill the empty spaces
of our bones

but you are not home

just another boy
for another poem

and I'd rather be alone
than anywhere near you

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

and if a heart breaks in your chest and no one around you cares, does it ever heal?

nobody cares about the grief inside your bones

they're just sticks and stones

"the hurt will heal soon, darling, it just takes time"

missing you comes with the tide

and right now its high

and I'm drowning

i want you at my door
i don't care if its 4
in the morning

i know its cliche but
i miss your blue eyes

today the sky reminded me of them

and i couldn't help but think
are you thinking of me too?

someone asked me the other day, if you had 3 wishes what would they be?

i wish we were together
close enough to be
like the flowers in my journal
pressed between the pages
of the memories i wrote about you

and i wish your hands
were intertwined with mine
like crochet needles
making a beautiful piece of art
they'd hang us in the met and baby we'd be famous

i wish you'd call me
and tell me you still loved me
like it was your last day on earth
and you didn't want anything more than to be with me

sitting at a picnic table on the beach
so close that our legs were touching
my cheeks blushing
hearts are buzzing

but its a shame
because the genie never came

my wishes are just wishes
and my dreams are just dreams
i can hear my heart scream

but no one else is around
so can you hear it?

i used to think that love was real
that you actually felt something with a person
maybe a spark
or fireworks

but recently I've started to think that its a concept
its a concept society has created
for people who like kissing each other
they think that if someone holds their hand
that they hold their heart too

i think love is dead
buried 6 feet under
right next to the boy who said "i'll never hurt you"
i don't know how i thought that could be true
i guess "hurt" means something different to you

i used to think there was something romantic
about fighting for love
but just because i want you
doesn't mean that i should put myself into a boxing ring
with no training
and let my heart get beat
i can't compete
with her

you win this round

i think that love is like flowers
you pick the one you want
and watch it grow for a while
until it wilts away
and dies in your hand

if love
were real
then so were we

and if we were real
you'd still be with me

and painful to a woman

than being told that she’s amazing

by a man who treats her like

she’s not good enough to commit to

— r.h. Sin

on sunday morning i woke up thinking
"how many pills would it take"

the sky was gray
the clouds were crying

so was i

everything that was finally going right
took a left turn for the worst

if you love me, why'd you leave me?

"i just need time, I'm not ready for this"
"if i were ready, it'd be you"

i think you decide when you're ready
and i don't know what it is that is holding you back
but if you really loved me
you'd want me there now

some people say
you meet the right people
at the wrong time

but i think love is timeless

if its the right person
you will make it work

i guess that's the difference between you and me

is that i've got all the time in the world, when it comes to you

and you've got none, when it comes to me

i hope you realized that i really did love you

and i don't think it was the timing that was wrong

it's ok, if it wasn't real

just let me know, so my heart can heal

I know you won't read this
because you think i've already written our break up poem

and i have
but I'm not done yet

this isn't really a poem, more-so just me getting my thoughts written down, in hopes that maybe it'll help me feel better

dear you,
i miss you

not just at night when I'm lonely
but all the time

morning, midday, evening, hell i even miss you while I'm sleeping

i know you're not spontaneous
and you always do whats right

but we should've jumped in the ocean that night

and i want you to call me
at 2 am when you're missing me

not because its right
because we know its not
but because you don't care whats right

screw being right all the time
im sick of being perfect
i want flaws and mistakes
and for you to call me and tell me you miss me
i want to be a fool with you
instead of logical without you

i won't beg you to stay with me
but i am forgetting your voice

i want to call you when something goes bad
but i mostly want to call you to tell you when something goes good

i want you
i miss you
so much

I've been asked on 2 dates this week
and every time i go out
i think "this isn't him"

they don't make me laugh like you do

their hands don't fit the way ours do

i don't just miss you because I'm lonely
i miss the way you laugh at everything
and the way your thumb rubs mine when we're holding hands

i miss the way you'd mock me when i said something dumb
or when you'd text me what cards you had so that we could win

i miss stealing peoples car just so we could kiss in the graveyard

but mostly
i just miss my best friend

so if you ever read this
just know
I'm sitting here
thinking about you

and if you are reading this
that probably means you're thinking of me too

dont do whats right
be a fool
be my fool

i think its safer to fall in love with someone
who never loved you back
then to fall in love with someone
who said they did

my mama always said that in order for someone to love me
i have to learn to love myself

i think she's wrong

i think its easier to love yourself
when you have someone holding your hand while you walk down the aisle of your imperfections

aisle 2 crooked smile
aisle 6 wide hips
17 drama queen

someone to pick you up when you trip over your flaws
or tell you that doing your best is enough

tell you that you are enough

i was learning to love myself
until i learned that it was a lie

the next day it was goodbye
thought you were a good guy
and I'm sorry
i didn't qualify

i told myself not to fall in love
nows not the time

i told myself he's not the one
you're too young

my head keeps telling me no
but my heart is saying yes
my body is saying now
and he's saying we'll make this work somehow, my love

it was 12:42am
we were intertwined in the sheets of his bed
"i'd marry you tomorrow, if i could"

everything was right
but so so wrong
in all the right ways

until

it was sunday
and it was raining
he asked to hold my hand on the way home

then dropped me off
for the last time

then he left

i felt too much

he didn't feel at all

I've spent my life loving people
who don't love me back

"its nothing new"
i tell myself

my heart is at a crossroad
of letting go
and holding on

because i hate you
but i want you to show up at my door
and fight for me

but thats the problem here
is that i feel too much

and he feels nothing at all

so at 3 am when I'm hurting
and he's sleeping

ill tell myself
"its nothing new"

and let go

it was all a lie

i grew up by the ocean
i have salt water in my veins

I've never been scared of waves
or drowning

i met a boy
by the ocean
who pulled me in like the waves
swirled me around and danced with me for a while

and pushed me back out with the current
when something new came along


it was the wrong time or the wrong place or something
but i let it happen

because I've never been scared of waves
or drowning

i met a boy
by the ocean
who i loved
who left

and i am now scared of waves
and drowning

i made the mountains my new home
and I'm not afraid of heights



i thought you were the one