Lauren W.

so i asked my closest friends they're favorite memories with me, and this is what they said...

number 1 said "i remember the fort, and the mud fight, and our first kiss"

number 2 said "i remember california, and the beach, and the way we walked down the street like we were locals"

number 3 said "i remember the first night of summer. toilet papering, talking till 5 am and getting chased by the cops."

and 4, 4 said "i remember when i was bawling in my room and you left that party to come check on me"

5 said "i remember going to new york. shopping, ice skating, concerts. man, those were the good times"

and number 6 said "i remember holding hands in the car and the way we sang like we wrote the songs"

i remember that song
and that mud fight
and california

i remember ice skating
and toilet papering
and the way we felt like locals

i remember you
warm hands
cold heart
soft lips

and you
brown hair
brown eyes
ballerina with the whole world ahead of her

and him
blonde hair
tan skin
"homework before anything" type

and you
6'4
the number of people you've kissed is higher than your gpa
"but who cares at least I'm passing" type

i remember blue eyes
and blue skies
and the way everything felt so new

i remember the first time i saw you
and the last
and i remember wanting to forget

i remember the city lights
and the clouds
and wondering how something as constant as the stars can still fall
and wishing i never did

i remember last month
and last year
and yesterday

i remember singing in the car to that song with you
and singing in the car to that song alone
and thinking how everything is different now

and how everything is good

but these moments became memories way too fast and my mind swears it was amazing

but nothing is ever as good as my nostalgic mind says it was

"Love was born, he was part of me"

and that part never left, even after he did 

it was saturday that changed everything

I've written 21 poems and 15 have been about you

and i haven't heard your voice in 211 days, and i forgot what it feels like to be held in your arms

its midnight and we're texting for the first time in months and i noticed that i haven't stopped smiling for the past hour

and i wonder if you even think of me as a "friend" anymore because i still think you're one of my best

i wonder if her fingers fit with yours as perfectly as mine did

and i wonder if she knows how you laugh when your stressed, or tired, or scared

does she know that you have glasses, but your too afraid to wear them because you think people will judge you?

i wonder if she knows that you make your wishes at 11:12 because God always seems to be too busy to answer at 11:11, and you're not really into the "cliche" stuff anyways

i always wished for you at 11:11, but i guess you're right, God was busy

and i wonder if she knows that your family is always your first priority and that your sister is your best friend

does she know that you become antisocial when you have homework and that your grades are more important than her?

i wonder if she knows that when you were younger you thought you were a jedi, so we carved our pumpkin last year to be boba fett and won first place

don't forget to tell her that you can't hang out most weekdays, and if she wants to go get dinner... maybe find another friend

i wonder if she knows about the vain behind your ear thats identical to your uncles, and the scars on your hands from when you fell in the fire when you were little

i wonder if she knows you used to have a speech impediment when you were a kid, your "r's" sounded like "L's" and when you said the words "its over" it sounded like "i still love you" in my head

i wonder how you got over saturday so fast and why I'm still thinking about it

its sunday

and i wish it was friday because then i'd still have one more day before saturday

but its sunday

and i wonder if your as happy with her as i was with you

and i wonder if she knows how lucky she is

because saturday hasn't come for her
and sunday will never have to

Mabel Q.

the girl who usually writes about sadness, and broken hearts, and that one stupid boy

the girl who hates the color orange but loves sunsets 

and loves the color white but hates snow 

the girl who hates goodbyes but loves hellos

the girl who loves surfing but is terrified of sharks

the girl whose too afraid to talk to any of the popular people in class but just wants to fit in

the girl who wants everything to be perfect but is far from it herself

the girl who loves laughing 

the girl who loves talking but hates the sound of her own voice 

the girl whose too loud in class 

and too quiet in church

the girl who loves road trips but can't sit still for more than 5 minutes

the girl whose best friends are the ones related by blood

the girl who is scared to go back to Paris, or London or wherever the heck she came from because she's still not sure

the girl who puts "I don't know" on college applications because she still doesn't know who she is or what she wants to be 

this ones for you mabel,

the one whose been there when no one else has

the one who won't share my secrets unless i press "publish"

thank you

xox,

Lauren Wright

the girl behind Mabel Q.

"i just remembered that time at the market

snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart"

first line 

to my first song

from my first love 

but I'm scared of firsts and I'm sick of firsts 

so maybe lets try for seconds

and live for seconds

because we're living for firsts and forgetting the seconds 

and even though i still want my first back, i'd do anything to find a second

a second to breathe, a second to forget, a second to move on

because retakes and fixed mistakes and remakes all come second

and to get over your first love 

you have to find your second

and i couldn't tell if it was my heart 

or my lungs 

these frown lines on my face are almost as permanent as the marker you used to write on my heart

and the rain from my eyes is staining my cheeks like the blood from when it broke

and the Internet says I'm dying 

but...

"it's okay. it takes time. you'll be as good as new in a week"

but instead of living like your dying, heres 

how to be more than okay: 

1.  go on a drive. put the windows down and blast jack, john, justin or whatever genre you want to. stop at red, green, yellow, blue or whatever lights you decide to and let the crisp air consume all the feeling in your body. 

2. delete his number. don't add it again, i know you have it memorized. 

3. sleep more. go to bed at 8:30 and drift off by 9:00. take naps after school, on sundays, during class, before dinner. just take more naps, trust me. you'll appreciate it.

4. stop looking at his picture on instagram with that girl. she's not you, and one day he'll realize that. but for now, block her. 

and him. 

and his friends. 

go on a date with a boy completely out of your league and talk about the things you love.

no not him, 

talk about things like waking up early to watch the sunrise or playing soccer with your brother

or deep stuff like what happens to us when we die?

or where did god come from?

5. realize you are okay. maybe your life sucks and all your friends hate you but at least you have two legs, two eyes, two arms, one heart (though it may be broken into a million pieces), one nose and one year left until 17 is gone and its not "young love" anymore.

you're okay.

I'm okay.

we're okay.

everything is going to be okay.

more than okay, actually.