Lauren W.

I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it
but to 4 people,
you are the world

you are our hero,
our inspiration,
and our rock.

you are the trunk to our family tree,
winter, spring, summer and fall
when the branches get weak, you keep holding tight

sometimes the winds are strong, and the storms are harsh
but the bad weather makes the roots grow stronger
and without it, we wouldn't be who we are

you are optimistic,
hard working,
and never let a day go by without a "good morning, i love you" text

we wake up with smiles every morning because of you
we wake up with a roof over our heads and food on the table because of you

you have taught us how to fight for what we believe in,
how to stand up for who we are
and how to catch that 20 inch rainbow trout, or how to make up a good story if we don't

so this is for you dad,
our hero,
our inspiration,
our best friend,
and our provider

we love you

Motherhood is a choice you make everyday
you choose,
everyday
to make sure our happiness is always above yours,
to love us unconditionally,
and to never let a day go by without telling us how much we mean to you.

I mean yeah, the 7 texts and 6 missed calls within 2 minutes of us not responding can be annoying,
but thats just the way you show your love

you show us by saying
"is your seatbelt on?"
"don't forget your coat!"
"did you make it home safe?"
"just calling to see how your day was."

you taught us how to walk,
ride a bike,
tie our shoes,
where to find the best sales,
and most importantly,
how to love
not only others, but ourselves

you taught us that being kind is the only way to get through life and that no matter the circumstances, always show love towards everyone

to the girl who gossiped about Lindsay, "show her love, don't fight back"
to the friends who lied to Jeffrey, "be nice to the those who are mean to you, they need it the most"
and to the girls who always tore Lauren down, "don't worry sweetheart, it'll only get better"

and through all of this, you never gave up on us
through the ups and downs,
the bad days and the good days,
you never let go of our hands

you held on even if we told you not to,
you've loved us from day one,
and we strive to be more like you everyday

so mom, here's to you
our therapist,
our personal shopper,
our chef (mostacolli, cereal and chicken dinos)
and our best friend

thank you,
and we love you
(even more than words can say)

im a b plus average
ordinary looking girl
blonde hair, green eyes
and my smiles just a little bit crooked

i've never been fond of myself or how i look in pictures
my hands are too small and my thighs are too big
my fingers are too fat for rings and i can never share clothes with my friends
my eyelashes are fake, so please stop asking
I'm too scared to raise my hand in class and i stutter when I'm nervous

my soul is in pieces and my heart is taped together with scotch tape compliments that i sometimes accept

but I'm trying

i met a boy who said my smile was beautiful and he liked my button nose
he held my small hands and let me wear his shirt to bed

he had blonde hair like mine and blue eyes like his mamas
he told me i was pretty but my soul was prettier and his compliments were superglue

he was an A plus average
not so ordinary looking boy
with a perfect smile

his eyes were a little squinty in pictures, and he stutters when he's nervous

his hands were callused and his heart was bruised
his smile was contagious and so was he

he was just what i needed
and he was mine
and together
we are beautiful

you are too dangerous for me

i keep telling myself that 15 was too young to love
15 was just a boy who said i like you a lot and sometimes we'd kiss on the weekends
15 you opened my door, took me to dinner and we talked till the sun came up again
15 blue eyes, blue skies and so much more than just "i like you"
15 scared of love
16 we stargazed and talked and your curfew was midnight but we didn't mind getting in trouble
16 and you took me to your family party, i met your grandmother and she told me i was perfect for you
but 16 was too young for love, you told me so yourself
16 we cuddled in the backseat on the way home without your mom seeing and held hands under the blanket but not because we were cold
16 and it was love
16 but we didn't say anything
16 scared to lose you
15 first kiss
16 first love
17 dont do this

you said goodnight
i said goodbye
you said ill see you soon
i said i hope so

you texted me "hope you're doing well"
i didn't respond because i wasn't then
im not now
and i don't think i ever will be

its been a year, 2 months and 5 days
i haven't seen you
but i met another boy

he has blue eyes like yours,
but he's a little bit taller
and he doesn't open my door like you did

we cuddle,
but only when no ones around

and i think he says the same thing to every girl

i tried falling for him
but i can't seem to get 16 out of my head

15 hello
16 i love you
17 don't do this
18 goodbye




(this is cheesy and i haven't written in a while so sorry for whoever reads this)

for months now i've been watching the seasons change

it's 10:31 on a Sunday night and i just feel sad

everything is going fine, i have to keep telling myself that
but i don't believe myself when i do

i've wanted to cry for a few days now
but i hate the way my eyes look the next day

i've got a lot on my mind lately

I'm thinking about a boy, and graduation, and i have this sad song stuck in my head

i'm looking threw pictures of me and a boy with blue eyes and i can't help but think what went wrong

in just a few months we're all going to be living on university avenue and i'm not sure i chose the right major
or college
or apartment building

I can hear my parents talking downstairs and i'm thinking about how much I'm going to miss the saturday morning donut runs with dad
and the late night talks with mom

my best friend since second grade submitted her mission papers today and I'm so happy for her, i am, but I'm also really sad and i can't stop thinking about it

my brother just told me he's disappointed in me, and it won't get out of my head
and my sister just announced she's having a baby boy in October and i couldn't be more excited

my best friends are going to make new best friends in just a few months and i wish i could tell the new ones how lucky they are

my mom brought home a puppy two days ago and i think its the only thing keeping me sane

i'm moving to salt lake this week and i haven't even started to pack
maybe it's because i don't want to leave the memories,
maybe it's because the walls know too many of my secrets and i don't want to start over someplace new

but mostly, i'm thinking about a boy, and graduation, and i've got this sad song stuck in my head

i will think of you when the sky is gray
and i will kiss you like the rain did our skin that day

you will hold my hand like forgiveness
and hug me like hope

our broken promises will fit together like a work of art
and together, we will make something beautiful

we will press our skin together like flowers between pages
and you will tell me how your favorite song reminds you of your father

we will walk through fields of wildflowers
and you will pick one for me
i will get mad and tell you that this flower will now die

this flower,
once beautiful,
will die

and us,
once beautiful,
with it

when i was 7 years old i promised my dad i'd never grow up

salt water tears
and waves of infatuation

sun kissed skin,
lips
and bodies

you were a tsunami and i was a hurricane
together, we made the perfect storm

so baptize me in your ocean
and kiss me till dawn

till the rain comes falling
and the sea overflows

push me away like the shore pushes the sea
i'll come back every time, i'll come back every time

you and me
me and you

together, we made something as deep as the ocean blue

Another poem with Malia Helbling, a tribute to Nelson, slam team and all things poetry.

L+M I heard my first poem sitting in the back of the classroom, head down, eyes shut, mind on something else.

L This is about passion
M this is about writing about a boy 17 times
L+Mand the stars well, we'er still writing about those.

L+MI've memorized my favorite poem line by line, hoping that one day I will be able to write something just as beautiful.

L since I was four years old i wrote everything I could down, how I felt, how much my brother bothered me, how I loved the ocean.

M i have a dozen journals half full of untold stories only my heart knows how to read.

L There are poems that live in the corners of my mind fighting their way onto paper
L+M but no one that will listen.
L but he was there
M and so were we

L every Tuesday we wore our hearts on our sleeve
M the other day someone asked me what that stain was
L+M we told him Tuesdays were cancelled.


M and we never got out t-shirts

L+M Tuesdays were our
therapy sessions
life lessons
late night confessions

L and my mom can't get that stain out
M and she doesn't understand why we care so much

L+M I wrote poetry on my heart on my heart in permanent marker and it only took 4 days for the dry cleaners to get it out

M we learned to embrace messy handwriting an chaotic thoughts because it meant we had something to say.

L+M my math teacher taught me y=mx=b but words seem to be the only equation that solved nothing but emotions

M thank you to the boy i wrote about 17 times, you gave me a reason to write

L thank you to the boy who told me didn't love me, i figured out i loved writing more than I loved you

M Paris was more than just a metaphor
L more than just a place to go on Tuesdays during lunch
M and more than just blog posts on Sunday nights

L+M we never wrote to get into the top 5

L writing got me through the break up
M writing got me through the divorce
L+M writing got me through high school and we couldn't have done it without you

thanks nelson

i got denied from the school of my dreams

but im an expert at swallowing gum before kissing
and I'm excellent at falling too hard for boys who don't know my name

i'm not sure where to go to college

but i know that even the best of friends can still break your heart
and i know that the earth will keep spinning and the sun will continue to shine even if you can't feel it

I'm almost positive i want to be a second grade teacher

but sometimes i think about third
and sometimes my future seems a little bit blurred

i have no idea who my real friends are

but i know when the sky is pink its God telling me "today will be a good day"
and i know that wearing gray makes me feel pretty

i've been taught the quadratic formula
but theres no equation for emotions
and y=mx+b does not solve heart break

i know that kisses are supposed to have meaning
but boys here don't really get that

and i know that math is not my strongest subject
but i am fantastic at wishing on stars
and i could tell you the big dipper from the little one any day

i know i want to go to BYU Hawaii
and i want to get married to a boy with blue eyes
and i want to be a second grade teacher
and i want to be a mother of three


I'm just not sure how to get there, I'm a little bit lost

so I told him he didn't know what love was 

today someone asked me why i had trust issues

it starts around 40 seconds

1 in every 8 teenagers is clinically diagnosed with severe depression
and if this statistic is correct that means 12 of your peers sitting next to you could be up to their knees in self harm,
their shoulders in self pity
and their heads in self hate

my friend told me the other day that she was depressed because her boyfriend broke up with her

the next day she told me 4 guys texted her and her ex messaged her and she seems to be doing just fine

i told her that's not depression

that's just a bad day

depression goes to sleep every night at 7:30 with dreams of death
and wakes up to another day of trying to get out of the labyrinth of suffering

lets talk about how children are coming home crying

and teenagers wish they were dying

saying "I'm used to it" should not be something they're used to

sticks and stones may break bones
but your words,
they're definitely hurting her

lets talk about how our hearts are turning purple, and not because we're in the army
but because we've decided to fight for our happiness

saying "I'm depressed" is the new cool thing
and for some reason i don't find it that cool

its just a bad day
its just a bad day
its just a bad day

my friend works for the suicide hotline,
she told me that if she goes a week without any of her callers committing suicide she gets a gift card,
she's worked there for 4 years and she's only got one gift card

one
gift
card

one gift card because life's too hard
one gift card because of the kid who says you can't do it and the voice in your head that made you commit to it

so this is for the misfits who don't fit and never will
this is for the excluded and not included
this is for the talked about and not talked to
this is for you

this is for the tough day,
tough week,
tough month
but mostly for the tough life.
For the disease that makes people sad,
and for the people who actually have it.