I'm scared that one day someone is going to ask how i am 

and ill tell them

I'm scared of saying "terrible, i've had the worst week of my life" 

because that will scare them off 

and i can't scare them away because I'm scared of being alone

I'm scared of boys

I'm scared of kissing, and holding hands, and falling into love

because falling out of love is inevitable

and broken hearts can't be healed

and memories will never leave

no matter how hard you try

no matter how many pills you take or cuts you make

no matter what 

these memories will never fade

I'm not scared of swimming

or the ocean

I'm scared of drowning

drowning in the pool
drowning in the ocean
drowning in my thoughts

I'm scared I'm actually a terrible writer and my mom only compliments me to be nice

and I'm scared that if she's just being nice about this that she's just being nice about everything else too

I'm scared my entire life is a lie 

im not scared of the dark, or night time. I'm scared of silence- where there is nothing to hide me from my own conscience. 

I'm scared
I'm scared
I'm so scared

and im scared of being scared

and that scares me