Lauren W.

this is a love letter to my heart,,


please, handle with care

there is a "fragile" stamp across the right side
and duct tape throughout the middle

there are flowers growing where he left cracks-

darling, you will be a beautiful garden one day

peonies and sunflowers run through your veins

you will be okay
i promise

maybe it was love
or maybe you loved the way he loved you
or maybe you depended on him to love you
the way you should love yourself

but darling, you will be okay
i promise

flowers need time to bloom

and so do you

I left my home on a wednesday afternoon
the clouds started crying around 3:42
they missed you

my mom always warned me about the drugs in the street
but never about the light blue eyes with a heartbeat

it was love and it was lust and it was 16
it was preteen
it was drama queens and phone screens and everything in between

it was young love
kind of,
sort of,
true love?

it was you
and me
the stars

and the scars

it was april
and it was painful

and i miss you, reminisce you,

love you,

still

yesterday my brain took a road trip by itself to a place i have not yet been

my heart kept telling her to turn around
don't go there
stop before we go too far, she said

the windows were down and the music was volume 14 on the radio

the road signs said "dead end-
turn back, you've gone too far already"

so i put the car in park

i sat against a tree
and i looked up to the sky
i reached up towards the sky
the only word i could get out was "why?"



i looked down

a voice whispers to me
"everything will be okay"

i look to the right
then left
another girl sitting against a tree

her head pointed upward
looking at the sky

"everything will be okay"


you are not alone
you are not made up of the decisions you've made
or the disappointment you've caused

you are you and that is the best you can be
you are a masterpiece in an art museum made of bruises and scars
of broken pieces and broken bones
so don't you give up darling
you are on your way to the MET

ill see you there in the "broken but beautiful" section
(no photos please)


so turn the car around and head back home
don't forget your seatbelt
and text me when you've made it safe

you are the 5 minutes before a math test "put your study guides away", the pictures on the wall of the memories from that one perfect day, he is gone now.

the lion outside of its den, the thoughts of a 17 year olds depression
and you are terrifying

you looked my grandmother in the eyes one rainy afternoon in December and you took her
you took her cold hands and her warm heart and you put her body in the ground

I'm always told "you'll see them again"
but I've never seen a flower resurrect after the winter,
and i haven't been to my grandmothers grave

i don't know what will happen after, and I was never sure what happened before
so hold me close until its over
until death do us part

hold my hand, kiss me on the lips, set me free to where i belong
and when our winter comes,
and darling,

it will come,
remember

to live in the hearts we leave behind, is to never die 

I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it
but to 4 people,
you are the world

you are our hero,
our inspiration,
and our rock.

you are the trunk to our family tree,
winter, spring, summer and fall
when the branches get weak, you keep holding tight

sometimes the winds are strong, and the storms are harsh
but the bad weather makes the roots grow stronger
and without it, we wouldn't be who we are

you are optimistic,
hard working,
and never let a day go by without a "good morning, i love you" text

we wake up with smiles every morning because of you
we wake up with a roof over our heads and food on the table because of you

you have taught us how to fight for what we believe in,
how to stand up for who we are
and how to catch that 20 inch rainbow trout, or how to make up a good story if we don't

so this is for you dad,
our hero,
our inspiration,
our best friend,
and our provider

we love you

Motherhood is a choice you make everyday
you choose,
everyday
to make sure our happiness is always above yours,
to love us unconditionally,
and to never let a day go by without telling us how much we mean to you.

I mean yeah, the 7 texts and 6 missed calls within 2 minutes of us not responding can be annoying,
but thats just the way you show your love

you show us by saying
"is your seatbelt on?"
"don't forget your coat!"
"did you make it home safe?"
"just calling to see how your day was."

you taught us how to walk,
ride a bike,
tie our shoes,
where to find the best sales,
and most importantly,
how to love
not only others, but ourselves

you taught us that being kind is the only way to get through life and that no matter the circumstances, always show love towards everyone

to the girl who gossiped about Lindsay, "show her love, don't fight back"
to the friends who lied to Jeffrey, "be nice to the those who are mean to you, they need it the most"
and to the girls who always tore Lauren down, "don't worry sweetheart, it'll only get better"

and through all of this, you never gave up on us
through the ups and downs,
the bad days and the good days,
you never let go of our hands

you held on even if we told you not to,
you've loved us from day one,
and we strive to be more like you everyday

so mom, here's to you
our therapist,
our personal shopper,
our chef (mostacolli, cereal and chicken dinos)
and our best friend

thank you,
and we love you
(even more than words can say)

im a b plus average
ordinary looking girl
blonde hair, green eyes
and my smiles just a little bit crooked

i've never been fond of myself or how i look in pictures
my hands are too small and my thighs are too big
my fingers are too fat for rings and i can never share clothes with my friends
my eyelashes are fake, so please stop asking
I'm too scared to raise my hand in class and i stutter when I'm nervous

my soul is in pieces and my heart is taped together with scotch tape compliments that i sometimes accept

but I'm trying

i met a boy who said my smile was beautiful and he liked my button nose
he held my small hands and let me wear his shirt to bed

he had blonde hair like mine and blue eyes like his mamas
he told me i was pretty but my soul was prettier and his compliments were superglue

he was an A plus average
not so ordinary looking boy
with a perfect smile

his eyes were a little squinty in pictures, and he stutters when he's nervous

his hands were callused and his heart was bruised
his smile was contagious and so was he

he was just what i needed
and he was mine
and together
we are beautiful