Lauren W.

i thought for a minute..

and then said,

" i was sitting in the passenger seat of a white jetta, holding hands with a boy who i thought was the one, 9 months later I'm sitting in my bed, shaking hands and salty tears running down my face, texting him "i miss you" getting no response, tearing down old pictures of my favorite memories, listening to sad love songs, with sad poems written in my journal and sad mom coming in to check on me" 

he's 544 miles away and i love him

im sick of telling my friends "I'm sad" and getting the response "me too"

just once someone tell me every things going to be okay

just once someone tell me today was just a bad day

ours homes

and our hearts

and our heads

we're all a little bit broken 

our homes 

and our hearts

and our heads

we're all a little bit lonely

our homes

and our hearts

and our heads

we're all a little bit lost 

but broken bones heal 

and I'm only lonely for you

but i took a wrong turn and got off the wrong exit,

i got a bit lost, 

so sorry mom ill be late for dinner

i tried putting caution tape around my heart and i wrote a note that said "warning, falls too easy, cares too much" 

they say "you will never be let down by anyone more than you will be let down by the one you love most in the world" 

and i think thats how i knew i loved you

i'm in love with a boy who's 544 miles away 

but he didn't let me down easy

he let me down harder than the waves crash into the shore during a hurricane 

and the wind blows during a tornado

you were a natural disaster waiting to happen 

and the words "i'll miss you" were much louder than the warning sirens

i understand now why hurricanes are named after people, and if i could, i'd name every single storm after you

I'm still in love with a boy who's 544 miles away,

but he doesn't know that

and he probably never will

things i think you should know about me:

I'm from california but sometimes i still say "mow-in" instead of mountain

i know song lyrics better than i know myself

i chased a boy around the preschool playground and tried to kiss him (i never really believed in cooties)

i like the sound of waves, the smell of surfboard wax, and the color blue

my hobbies include driving until way past curfew, falling for boys who don't know my name, and spending all my money on striped shirts

i like to read and my favorite pass time is finding new music 

i've got blonde hair, green eyes, and i believe the best days start with pink skies

im not 100% sure who i am yet, so i guess we'll figure that out together 

but for now, just call me Lauren

you're a memory of blissful feelings

and a cloud of smoke i can't stop breathing

your exhales are taking over my inhales

and this secondhand doesn't quite seems to get along with my lungs

i've met boys like you one too many times

and with each boy, i lose a little bit more hope

1 cigarette takes 11 minutes off of your life

and i just lost 2 years

you told me that cigarette would be your last

but addictions aren't easy to quit

and you were mine

you were mine

so i asked my closest friends they're favorite memories with me, and this is what they said...

number 1 said "i remember the fort, and the mud fight, and our first kiss"

number 2 said "i remember california, and the beach, and the way we walked down the street like we were locals"

number 3 said "i remember the first night of summer. toilet papering, talking till 5 am and getting chased by the cops."

and 4, 4 said "i remember when i was bawling in my room and you left that party to come check on me"

5 said "i remember going to new york. shopping, ice skating, concerts. man, those were the good times"

and number 6 said "i remember holding hands in the car and the way we sang like we wrote the songs"

i remember that song
and that mud fight
and california

i remember ice skating
and toilet papering
and the way we felt like locals

i remember you
warm hands
cold heart
soft lips

and you
brown hair
brown eyes
ballerina with the whole world ahead of her

and him
blonde hair
tan skin
"homework before anything" type

and you
6'4
the number of people you've kissed is higher than your gpa
"but who cares at least I'm passing" type

i remember blue eyes
and blue skies
and the way everything felt so new

i remember the first time i saw you
and the last
and i remember wanting to forget

i remember the city lights
and the clouds
and wondering how something as constant as the stars can still fall
and wishing i never did

i remember last month
and last year
and yesterday

i remember singing in the car to that song with you
and singing in the car to that song alone
and thinking how everything is different now

and how everything is good

but these moments became memories way too fast and my mind swears it was amazing

but nothing is ever as good as my nostalgic mind says it was

"Love was born, he was part of me"

and that part never left, even after he did